Generally narcissists display – a sense of self importance, a lack of empathy, arrogant behaviour, an excessive urge for admiration, a strong sense of entitlement.
1.Superiority and entitlement
They have to be the most right, the most competent, the best at everything. They like everything done their way. They like to own and control everything.
2. Exaggerated need for attention and validation
However, despite their grandiose behaviour they are often insecure and fragile.
They like to see this in everyone. If they have staff they expect them to be perfect.
4. Great need for control
Trying to grab control of everything is archetypal narcissist behaviour. Since narcissists are continually disappointed with the imperfect way life unfolds, they want to do as much as possible to control it and mould it to their liking. Narcissists always have a storyline in mind about what each “character” in their interaction should be saying and doing. When you don’t behave as expected, they become quite upset and unsettled.
5. Lack of responsibility – they constantly blame and deflect
It’s always someone else’s fault. The person they blame the most is often the person closest to them.
6. Lack of boundaries
They often behave like toddlers – they have tantrums. Anything to get what they want by any means
7. Lack of empathy
Hallmark of narcissism. Selfish and self involved. Rarely ( if ever) remorseful or apologetic. Makes true and real connection with them impossible.
8. Perceiving everything as a threat
They don’t understand if you say “sorry” or “ I love you”. Often they mis perceive this as an attack and are on the defensive.
9. Emotional reasoning
You can’t reason or use logic with a narcissist. Your explanations don’t make sense to them.
They see everything as black or white. Things are either good or bad. There is never a mix. Negative things they blame on others. If you are in a relationship with them they will particularly blame you. They have only one perspective
11. Fear of rejection and ridicule
Their life is ruled by fear ( often very deep rooted). The more the relationship progresses, the less they will trust you.
Narcissists project this onto those closest to them. They accuse partners of not “prioritising” them. Of being selfish. All designed to transfer anxiety to someone else. As you feel worse and worse the narcissist feels better.
13. Deeply repressed shame
They often don’t feel much guilt as they are always right. However, they can harbour deeply repressed shame. Keeping this all hidden is essential to a narcissist’s pretend self esteem. They can never be truly transparent
14. An inability to be truly vulnerable
Because of their inability to understand feelings, they can never really properly connect with other people. They are emotionally needy. They often overlap relationships, starting a new one before finishing the one before.
15. Inability to work as part of a team
Co-operative behaviour requires a real understanding of the feelings of others. They are just not capable of this.
Covert Narcissism is when a person feels they have suffered the most. They often tend to be jealous of other people’s talents and possessions. They are passive aggressive. They are unable to deal with criticism and they often say and do things to make those closest to them feel off balance.